Pumpkin Guts
by UnluckyAmulet
Summary: The Knuckleheads are very excited about Halloween. However, there is a little bit of a problem...


Disclaimer: I do not own Azumanga Daioh!

I've had such a serious writing funk lately! -sigh- But I'm glad I finally got this done. I made a resolution to write an Azu fic that was more then 1,000 words for a change, so here's hoping it went okay! (Speaking of writing, why is it that recently people just don't review anymore? It's so frustrating for authors!) Fic Rated K+ for minor language and tomfoolery.

Enjoy!

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><p>Yomi walked through the doors of the school cafeteria that afternoon, rubbing her shoulder slightly with one hand, as the other was clutching at her lunch. She looked around for her friends, as their usual table was already occupied.<p>

She didn't have to look for very long.

"...What the hell is this?"

Three sets of eyes looked up at Yomi.

"It's a pumpkin." Tomo said, very matter-of-factly.

There was a silence.

Yomi stood there holding her paper bag, staring at three of her friends with a blank face, staring at the round orange thing on the table. She supposed the pumpkin helped explain why Tomo had come to school dressed as a witch, Kagura a zombie and Osaka as a mummy. But it still begged the question...

"_Why_is there a pumpkin sitting on the table? You're not having that for lunch, are you?"

"Of course not!" snorted Tomo, as if this was a completely ridiculous question.

"We're gonna carve it." Osaka chipped in, smiling vaguely at the pumpkin.

"_I'm_going to carve it. You're not allowed to have a knife anymore." Kagura deadpanned.

Yomi sighed and adjusted her glasses.

"You three are aware Halloween isn't for several months yet, right?"

All three girls stared at her again. It was really creepy how they kept doing that in sync, particularly as Tomo's eyes were shadowed by her witch hat and Kagura's face was painted a sort of pale blue/green.

"Duh!" Tomo said, loudly. "We're practicing for Halloween!"

Yomi sweatdropped, although she chose to strategically ignore the 'duh', which she didn't appreciate receiving from the Queen of the Idiots.

"And the costumes...?"

"Tomo-chan called us last night. She said that we had to try on different costumes all week ta see which is the scariest," Osaka said, placidly. A slightly disconcerted look crossed her face as she added, "Ah wanted to be a sea slug, but Tomo-chan and Kagura-chan said that a sea slug isn't a Halloween costume-"

"It isn't." Yomi interrupted.

If Tomo was the Queen of the Idiots, Yomi didn't want to think about what Osaka was.

She sat down, feeling profoundly alarmed by the fact that not only had Tomo had another anti-brainwave and decided to go through with this ridiculous idea, but she had somehow persuaded Osaka and Kagura to do it as well. Next thing you knew, the three of them would be hiding chocolate eggs around the school in the dead of winter and claim it was to prepare for Easter, or something...

"Hello everyone!" a high-pitched voice broke in, and Chiyo came in, followed by Sakaki.

The latter looked surprised by the fact that half of their group had come to school dressed like they were trick-or-treating, but chose not to comment on it as she sat down. She was probably used to the Knuckleheads and their completely insane hi-jinks. Chiyo, strangely, didn't seem fazed by it at all. She seemed to be struggling to stand upright, and Yomi noticed a large satchel on the small girl's shoulder.

"Hey Chiyo-chan!" Tomo said, waving. "Did you bring it?"

"Hai!" Chiyo chirped, dropping the satchel and unzipping it.

Yomi stared incredulously as Chiyo produced what was, unmistakably, a second pumpkin. The tiny girl quivered with exertion as she lifted up the large orange plant and dropped it onto the table. This pumpkin already had a face carved into it- this face was not the typical menacing leer of a traditional Jack-o'-lantern, but it had a happy face, with upside-down V's for eyes and a distinctly cat-like mouth, which was turned up in a smile. Chiyo had even carved whiskers into it. Sakaki stared at it, feeling her face flush slightly.

"Oooh! Pretty!" Osaka gasped as Chiyo turned the pumpkin around to face them.

"Wow! You're so good, Chiyo-chan!" added Kagura.

"Thank you! My dad had to help me with the mouth, it was quite tricky."

_Father?_

Sakaki suddenly had a mental image of the strange yellow cat-like creature hovering beside Chiyo and holding a carving knife, whilst sporting devil horns and a tail...

Tomo was less impressed by Chiyo's endeavors.

"This isn't scary!" she shouted abruptly, slamming her fist on the table, making everybody except for Sakaki jump. "What's wrong with you, Chiyo-chan?"

Chiyo squealed at Tomo's outburst.

"I-I'm sorry!"

Tomo thrust a finger at the startled child prodigy.

"They're supposed to look scary! It's Halloween! Here, I'll show you!"

Withdrawing an alarmingly big carving knife from her bag, Tomo let out a war cry before ramming it straight through the uncarved pumpkin. It sank into the orange flesh with a squelch. But when Tomo attempted to pull the knife back out, it seemed to be stubbornly embedded into the plant.

"Eh?" Tomo said.

"Tomo-chan, you're supposed to scoop out the insides before you start carving..."

"But don't pumpkin insides smell really bad?" Kagura asked, wrinkling her nose.

"YOU WON'T DEFEAT THE MIGHTY TOMO!" Tomo yelled at the pumpkin, and withdrew the knife with an alarming amount of force and stabbed at it again.

Unfortunately, this send the heavier pumpkin rolling into Chiyo's, and that was knocked off the table and landed with an almost cartoonish-sounding splat on the floor.

There was a pause as everybody stared at it.

"Nooo! My pumpkin!" wailed Chiyo, looking at the mess on the floor, tears streaking comically down her face as she sank to her knees beside her ruined work.

"I think our pumpkin needs a name." Osaka suddenly announced, as Yomi shouted at Tomo and Sakaki patted Chiyo comfortingly on the back. "I like Jerome."

"Jerome?" Tomo asked, as Yomi confiscated Tomo's knife before a teacher saw it and they all got suspended on the spot. "Why?"

"It looks like a Jerome." Osaka asserted, cocking her head at the pumpkin and smiling at it, her mouth slightly open.

"How d'you know it's a boy?" challenged Tomo. "It could be a she!"

"Well, what do you think we should call if it it's a she? I like Electra..."

"Eh?"

"Oh, Sakaki!" Kagura said, as Tomo and Osaka argued over the sexual identity of an inanimate object. "Here!"

Digging into her bag, Kagura produced a headband with small red devil horns...strangely, they looked exactly like the ones Sakaki had imagined Chiyo's father wearing.

"Oh...thank you." Sakaki said, shyly, putting them on.

"We have one for Chiyo-chan too!" Kagura said, passing one to Chiyo.

"For me?" whimpered Chiyo, still upset over her hard work resulting as a pulpy orange mess on the floor.

"I guess you can wear it, even though you failed at showing us how to carve the stupid pumpkin." Tomo announced, as though it was all Chiyo's fault.

Sakaki nearly fell off her chair when Chiyo put her headband on- it looked adorable, as it had a pair of kitty-ears attached to it. Kagura then produced a pen and started carefully drawing whiskers on Chiyo's face, which seemed to cheer the small girl up after having her artwork splattered all over the linoleum floor of the canteen. Sakaki watched them raptly, but she still felt a small twinge of sadness.

_I wish I could have been a cat..._

Yomi blinked. She couldn't believe she was going to ask this, but...

"Hey, why don't I have a headband?"

"Yomi's face is scary enough for a costume!" Tomo shouted, sticking her tongue out.

"You little-"

Then they heard a voice.

"Hey everyone, how are y-?" began Kaorin, carrying a pink lunchbox. Then she stopped.

Yomi supposed it was a rather odd sight. Two people wearing headbands with ears or horns on them, then the three knuckleheads dressed like they'd raided a costume shop. Plus there was a pumpkin sitting casually on the table with an 'x' carved into the skin, and another one smashed on the floor.

Tomo, Kagura and Osaka all rose at once and raised their hands as if saluting. Yomi suspected they had practiced this.

"Happy Halloween!" they all chorused.

Kaorin blinked.

"But it's not-"

Tomo suddenly screamed.

"LOOK OUT! KIMURA-SENSEI'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!" she declared, pointing somewhere over Kaorin's shoulder with wide eyes.

Kaorin let out a squeal of terror and bolted away, so fast she practically left a cloud of dust. A few people looked at where she left the cafeteria in confusion.

"Kaorin, what's wrong?" Chihiro called as she ran after her friend.

The Knuckleheads then nonchalantly sat down as though nothing had happened.

"Success! We sure scared her!" Tomo cheered, high-fiving Osaka.

"That was mean." Deadpanned Kagura.

"It was still a success!" insisted Tomo stubbornly.

"What are we going to do about my pumpkin?" Chiyo asked, staring forlornly at it.

"Just leave it!"

The bell went. Chiyo dutifully took Jerome/Electra and put it in her satchel. As the girls walked towards the doors leading out of the cafeteria, though, they realized something and looked at each other with expressions of confusion (Osaka, Tomo) and dismay (Kagura, Chiyo, Sakaki and Yomi). Kagura was the one to say it.

"...W-we didn't actually have any lunch..."

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><p>"And so, if you conjugate this verb here-"<p>

The sliding doors of the classroom opened, and Yukari turned to look at her errant pupils.

"You guys are late! Where have you-"

And then she gawked.

"-b-been..."

"Happy Halloween, Yukari-sensei!" chorused the Knuckleheads, raising their arms in a salute.

"Halloween?" repeated Yukari, staring at them.

"Yeah!"

The class was silent, watching Yukari-sensei for a reaction, as she had gone oddly rigid and was staring at the Knuckleheads like she was about to either explode or faint. Yomi's money was on the latter, but considering her teacher was just as insane as her friends were, you just never knew.

"...Just sit down." Yukari said, faintly.

"Kaaay!"

The Knuckleheads calmly took their seats. Yukari just stood there as Chiyo, Sakaki and Yomi followed them in and sat down as well, not bothering to berate them for their lateness. It seemed she just didn't have it in her.

"A-anyway..." Yukari said, turning to continue with her lesson, but the antics of her students had completely thrown her off. She suddenly span back around. "Hey. Have any of you guys seen Kaorin? She didn't come back to class after lunch. Chihiro's missing as well."

"Kaorin?" Osaka repeated, as though she had never heard this name before.

"Beats me." Shrugged Tomo, who was resting her head on her arms as she slumped over her desk, her witches had tipped over her face.

"D-dunno..." mumbled Kagura, slouching slightly.

The sound of Yomi's palm meeting her own forehead could be heard.

To Yukari's credit, she tried to do her job, honestly she did, but in the end, she just couldn't take it.

"THAT'S IT! ALL OF YOU HAVE STUDY LEAVE! GET OUTTA HERE!" she yelled, in English, then promptly took her own leave as fast as possible.

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><p>"Hell yeah!" cheered Tomo, as she and the rest of the gang walked home. "We scared her so badly that she sent us all home early!"<p>

"I think 'disturbed' fits better," Yomi deadpanned. "Either that or she cancelled so she could go pick up her own Halloween costume."

The bespectacled girl paused, then shook her head a bit. It was one thing having all the Knuckleheads team up to do something idiotic (but, admittedly, entertaining) but thinking about it spreading was just too much.

"I'm sorry you had to carry it, Sakaki-san." Chiyo was apologizing to her tall friend. "But pumpkins are heavier then they look..."

"It's alright."

Cars beeped at the costumed trio as they walked, but as usual, they didn't seem to notice.

"I wonder what to dress up as tomorrow..." Tomo mused, putting a finger to her mouth. "This costume is good, but I want something even scarier! What about a grim reaper? No, a demon!"

"I want to take off my zombie make-up...it's itchy." Kagura whined, scratching at her face. "Maybe I'll do something more simple tomorrow."

"Or a ninja, or a pirate..." Tomo carried her monologue.

Yomi groaned. She couldn't believe it was only Monday.

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><p>That evening, Nyamo got a very strange phone call.<p>

"Hello?"

"Hey, Nyamo, what do you think suits me better? Naughty Nurse or French Maid?"

"...What?"

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><p>Personally, I think Yukari would make a good cop for Halloween. XD<p>

Reviews plz! They are my crack!


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